It was definitely a Friday morning today.
You know how those tend to go. A few more snoozes on the alarm...a little bit longer spent under warm covers...who wants to get out of bed when there's a giggly girl snuggled up next to you while singing along to her beloved mouse?
While I was hurrying to get myself somewhat put together for school, Natalie climbed into the dry and empty bathtub with the instructions to retrieve a book of mine that she had thrown in.
Needless to say when she saw her bath toys my book was quickly forgotten. But seeing as how she was happily occupied pretending to make Ariel swim, I kept going about my morning routine instead of harping on the retrieval of my book.
Finally I was ready to go and asked Natalie, "Do you want to go get dressed?"
"No" she replied simply as Flounder chased Ariel around the tub.
I wasn't going to fight it. Not today.
I informed her that I was going to go downstairs to make my lunch and when I returned it would be time to get dressed.
A few minutes later I bounded back up the stairs and into the bathroom to gather my girl from the tub so that I could get her dressed for the day.
What I saw sent chills down my spine and churned my stomach upside down.
My two-year-old was holding my razor and claiming that she had a "boo-boo" on her leg.
Duh. How could I have been so careless to leave my curious, observant daughter in the tub while my razor and shaving cream sat just to the side, right next to her ducks, stacking cups and water rings? And bless her sweet little heart, she just wants to be like Momma.
When I picked her up out of the tub there was no blood but it was starting to gush by the time I got her to the changing table. As the bright red liquid oozed out of her body I started to panic - it was hard to see how big or deep the wound was.
And on top of that - there's just something about seeing my child's blood that upsets me....compounded with the fact that I felt solely responsible for her injury.
I called for Craig to bring a rag and some Band-aids so that he could wipe her up while I held her down, her face red and hot while tears streamed down her cheeks. We bandaged her up, wiped her tears and finished getting her dressed. I dropped her off at Ms. Rebecca's house as a happy girl - one that was so eager to show off her boo-boos.
At the end of the day she is fine. It was only a few superficial scrapes here and there on her knee and there's not even a real NEED for a Band-aid.
But that doesn't mean I don't feel a little guilty and a lot like a failure. Because....I've got some secrets to share about my parenting. I don't help her go up and down the stairs. We've taken down our baby gates. Sometimes I even let her play up in her playroom while I'm downstairs on the computer. I don't play games with her as much as I should - she entertains herself quite well. I let her eat food off the kitchen floor without blinking an eye. I don't help her up the playground equipment unless she specifically asks for my help. I let her play with the big kids at the basketball tournaments while I watch the game. I make her drag around laundry in the baskets. She has to wipe up her own spills and put away the dirty clothes that accumulate on the floor.
Some people might call this neglectful parenting because I'm not watching her every move to prevent injuries or mishaps. I call it empowering. I see my daughter's strengths. I see her capability. I see the joy in her face when she accomplishes something on her own. Why would I want to hold her back? There will be plenty of opportunities in her life for someone to try and push her down and tell her that she can't do something. As her mother, my job is to prepare her for the day when someone tells her that she isn't good enough. I must instill in her an unwavering sense of confidence and self - the ability to shake off rejection or failure and step back up to the plate, more determined than ever to hit the ball out of the park so that she can prove everyone wrong.
So I let her go and try things at the park that might seem a little too big or scary. If she tries and she falls, I will pick her up and dry the tears...then show her how to conquer that mountain. I give her responsibility, not because I'm being a lazy person but because I am committed to proactive parenting and raising a capable young adult.
Often when we're out in the community and we run into people we know (which always happens, given our careers and places of employment) people will tell me how much older than two Natalie seems to be. I shrug my shoulders and make a comment on her height making her deceptively older. But that's not what people are noticing - it's her mannerisms, her interactions and her ability to follow instructions. "She's not a baby anymore!" they tell me. I smile and say "I know, she's growing up quick!" But the reason she's not a "baby" is because we don't treat her like a baby. Don't get me wrong, she is and always will be MY baby and I will rock, cuddle and cover her in kisses for as long as she will let me. But knowing that she is my baby doesn't mean that my "baby" isn't capable of doing chores, making good decisions, or understanding instructions.
I hope this isn't coming across as cocky or smug. I am not perfect (remember that razor?) and neither is my daughter....but she is a capable little girl and empowering young women is part of my job description. So I'll continue to let her lead the way. I'll keep giving her responsibility and challenges as long as she seems to enjoy and even crave them.
But perhaps....I should keep the razors on a higher ledge for the time being.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
Getting to the Skinny Mini
Way back in January after an autumn full of weird illnesses, doctor's appointments, laboratory tests and even a surgical gall bladder removal Craig was hit with a fairly serious diagnosis - Type II Diabetes, or Adult Onset Diabetes. Part of his diagnosis is genetic - his dad was diagnosed at an early age as well, but part of it is also his diet - apparently Sonic Jr. hamburgers aren't a "snack."
But in all seriousness, his initial diagnosis wasn't terribly severe - no insulin shots or anything crazy like that, instead just a change of diet and an all around healthier lifestyle. So the day he found out we headed to Barnes and Noble for a Diabetic cook book and I cleaned out the fridge and pantry. It's not like we were eating HORRIBLY - not a whole bunch of chips and cookies just hanging around, but I did have to modify the dishes I was preparing for dinner by eliminating carbs, butter and salt.
The cook book was most definitely helpful in the beginning because I had no idea what a diabetic diet even looked like so the recipes were able to get me started in the right direction. Over the past few months that we've been eating and living this way, not only have both Craig and I lost weight but I've found myself paying much more attention to labels and ingredients when researching new recipes to try out. I can read through a Pinterest recipe and decipher for myself whether or not it really is healthy or decide what I need to substitute or cut in order to make it healthier. Our pantry and fridge is also chock full of fresh fruits and veggies and when grocery shopping I also have found that most of my list is found on the outer edges of the store - I hardly ever venture down the inner aisles because that's where the more processed and less healthy foods are located.
I think for most people the hardest part of implementing a new diet regime is actually getting started and making it a routine. Here are some tips that I've found work for my family.
1. Designate a shopping day. For us it's on Sundays around noon and we purchase the food that we will need for the week. I also try to keep a running list of things that we've run out of over the course of the week (laundry detergent, toothpaste, etc.) so that we can get those things as well. Having a designated day keeps us on a routine and helps us stay on target with the diet - I can tell when we skip a shopping day because those are the weeks that I'm swinging by Chick Fil-A or heading to Chili's.
2. Plan your meals, make a list and stick to it. Every week I glance at our family calendar for the week to see what nights we will be home or what commitments we might have throughout the week. This allows me to figure out which evenings I will be cooking dinner, when we'll have leftovers and even what kinds of meals to fix (something easy if I have volleyball or something more involved if I have more time). Once I have decided when we'll be home, I go through cook books and peruse Pinterest to plan the actual meals and from there I write down all the ingredients I will need to buy. I also check the fridge and pantry to see if we need more snacks, lunch stuff and other odds and ends. Having my list handy at the store actually cuts down the amount of time I spend shopping because I know exactly what to get and where it is - it also eliminates extraneous purchases and helps keep the cost down.
3. Buy fresh foods, but not necessarily organic. I absolutely hate wasting food and so I'm much more apt to cook and eat the healthy food if I know that the broccoli is going to go bad if I don't cut it up and throw it in the oven with dinner. When it's fresh food with a spoilage date, there is a greater chance of it being cooked and eaten in my house. I also know that some people swear by organic foods but I don't think they are required in order to have a healthy lifestyle - plus they can be a little on the expensive side. I think if you're getting plenty of green veggies on your plate with dinner (that aren't loaded down with butter and cheese) then you're doing alright.
4. Be creative and adventurous. There have been items on my grocery list that I didn't even know what the food looked like. There have been recipes that seemed practically impossible to put together but once I got in the kitchen and broke it down, the meal came together pretty nicely. But the truth remains, anytime you are going to change up your eating habits it's going to require you stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things. It will be scary and there will be hits and misses...but like I tell Craig, if it's not good...just order pizza.
5. Remember - sometimes it's the little things that make the biggest difference. Craig's first big switch after his diagnosis was cutting out his sweet teas from Chick Fil-A and Sonic. And even though it was a minor change (putting in his own low-cal sweetener instead of sugar), it had a tremendous effect on his caloric intake and ultimately, his waistline. Or substituting Greek yogurt for sour cream, olive oil for vegetable oil...the list goes on and on. I even found a recipe on Pinterest for a cake that is made without milk, eggs or butter!
Here are a few Pinterest recipes that I've found delicious, easy and healthy (or healthier)!
And if you want to see more of these great recipes, click the button below to follow me on Pinterest!
Pinterest - Laura
But in all seriousness, his initial diagnosis wasn't terribly severe - no insulin shots or anything crazy like that, instead just a change of diet and an all around healthier lifestyle. So the day he found out we headed to Barnes and Noble for a Diabetic cook book and I cleaned out the fridge and pantry. It's not like we were eating HORRIBLY - not a whole bunch of chips and cookies just hanging around, but I did have to modify the dishes I was preparing for dinner by eliminating carbs, butter and salt.
The cook book was most definitely helpful in the beginning because I had no idea what a diabetic diet even looked like so the recipes were able to get me started in the right direction. Over the past few months that we've been eating and living this way, not only have both Craig and I lost weight but I've found myself paying much more attention to labels and ingredients when researching new recipes to try out. I can read through a Pinterest recipe and decipher for myself whether or not it really is healthy or decide what I need to substitute or cut in order to make it healthier. Our pantry and fridge is also chock full of fresh fruits and veggies and when grocery shopping I also have found that most of my list is found on the outer edges of the store - I hardly ever venture down the inner aisles because that's where the more processed and less healthy foods are located.
I think for most people the hardest part of implementing a new diet regime is actually getting started and making it a routine. Here are some tips that I've found work for my family.
1. Designate a shopping day. For us it's on Sundays around noon and we purchase the food that we will need for the week. I also try to keep a running list of things that we've run out of over the course of the week (laundry detergent, toothpaste, etc.) so that we can get those things as well. Having a designated day keeps us on a routine and helps us stay on target with the diet - I can tell when we skip a shopping day because those are the weeks that I'm swinging by Chick Fil-A or heading to Chili's.
2. Plan your meals, make a list and stick to it. Every week I glance at our family calendar for the week to see what nights we will be home or what commitments we might have throughout the week. This allows me to figure out which evenings I will be cooking dinner, when we'll have leftovers and even what kinds of meals to fix (something easy if I have volleyball or something more involved if I have more time). Once I have decided when we'll be home, I go through cook books and peruse Pinterest to plan the actual meals and from there I write down all the ingredients I will need to buy. I also check the fridge and pantry to see if we need more snacks, lunch stuff and other odds and ends. Having my list handy at the store actually cuts down the amount of time I spend shopping because I know exactly what to get and where it is - it also eliminates extraneous purchases and helps keep the cost down.
3. Buy fresh foods, but not necessarily organic. I absolutely hate wasting food and so I'm much more apt to cook and eat the healthy food if I know that the broccoli is going to go bad if I don't cut it up and throw it in the oven with dinner. When it's fresh food with a spoilage date, there is a greater chance of it being cooked and eaten in my house. I also know that some people swear by organic foods but I don't think they are required in order to have a healthy lifestyle - plus they can be a little on the expensive side. I think if you're getting plenty of green veggies on your plate with dinner (that aren't loaded down with butter and cheese) then you're doing alright.
4. Be creative and adventurous. There have been items on my grocery list that I didn't even know what the food looked like. There have been recipes that seemed practically impossible to put together but once I got in the kitchen and broke it down, the meal came together pretty nicely. But the truth remains, anytime you are going to change up your eating habits it's going to require you stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things. It will be scary and there will be hits and misses...but like I tell Craig, if it's not good...just order pizza.
5. Remember - sometimes it's the little things that make the biggest difference. Craig's first big switch after his diagnosis was cutting out his sweet teas from Chick Fil-A and Sonic. And even though it was a minor change (putting in his own low-cal sweetener instead of sugar), it had a tremendous effect on his caloric intake and ultimately, his waistline. Or substituting Greek yogurt for sour cream, olive oil for vegetable oil...the list goes on and on. I even found a recipe on Pinterest for a cake that is made without milk, eggs or butter!
Here are a few Pinterest recipes that I've found delicious, easy and healthy (or healthier)!
And if you want to see more of these great recipes, click the button below to follow me on Pinterest!
Pinterest - Laura
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Just Call Me Tracy Flick
I thought I had a good plan and was confident in my decision. All I was going to do next year was develop my curriculum, infuse some technology and help kids find success in math. I figured doing all that was going to be stressful enough so no reason to pile on extra duties.
But then I was cornered by one of our young, cool coaches who raved about my superior Excel, Word and general organization skills. He commented that my skills were JUST what he needed to help him run Student Council next year.
Apparently in the few short years we've worked together, he has figured out that flattery will get you EVERYWHERE with me.
So now I'm signed up to co-sponsor Student Council and with all the new technology, grading and curriculum changes coming down the pipe, I will also be designing a new approach to teaching Algebra and 8th grade math.
I guess I'm just not happy with life if I'm not going a hundred miles an hour, white knuckle gripping the steering wheel with my hair on fire.
But then I was cornered by one of our young, cool coaches who raved about my superior Excel, Word and general organization skills. He commented that my skills were JUST what he needed to help him run Student Council next year.
Apparently in the few short years we've worked together, he has figured out that flattery will get you EVERYWHERE with me.
So now I'm signed up to co-sponsor Student Council and with all the new technology, grading and curriculum changes coming down the pipe, I will also be designing a new approach to teaching Algebra and 8th grade math.
I guess I'm just not happy with life if I'm not going a hundred miles an hour, white knuckle gripping the steering wheel with my hair on fire.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Fear of a Name
Tonight Natalie, Craig and I (plus the two pups of course) were all curled up in the big bed in our bedroom watching Lady and the Tramp...or the dog-dog movie as Natalie puts it.
She looks over at Ajax who was splayed out on his back in what must have been a state of near nirvana as I gently scratched his belly.
"What's that?" she asked while pointing at his private bits.
Craig and I glance at each other. He cocks his head in anticipation of how I will handle this special moment with our daughter.
"That is Ajax's penis. It's how he goes pee-pee," I answered in my most matter-of-fact-its-really-no-big-deal voice.
And not much else was said as she glanced once again and then focused back on the debacle of Lady in the muzzle.
So that's how we're going to handle it for right now. She's two and just naturally curious so I'm not terribly concerned.
To be honest, I hear "what's that, Momma?" approximately forty-seven times a day and as annoying as it can be to answer "that's the can opener" forty-seven times in a row...I understand it's just part of her learning and processing the world and I'm thankful for a curious child.
For as long as the answer is satisfactory, we're going to keep with the functionality of those parts and keep it short and to the point. I also have the phrase from Harry Potter floating around in my brain when it comes to this subject - fear of a name increases fear of the itself. If Craig and I freak out and make a big deal out of the human body then Natalie will pick up on those cues and all of a sudden, the differences between male and female and the idea of having "privates" at all will be a HUGE, big thing.
So we're keeping it casual and answering her questions matter-of-factly and for the time being, it seems to satiate her curious little heart.
She looks over at Ajax who was splayed out on his back in what must have been a state of near nirvana as I gently scratched his belly.
"What's that?" she asked while pointing at his private bits.
Craig and I glance at each other. He cocks his head in anticipation of how I will handle this special moment with our daughter.
"That is Ajax's penis. It's how he goes pee-pee," I answered in my most matter-of-fact-its-really-no-big-deal voice.
And not much else was said as she glanced once again and then focused back on the debacle of Lady in the muzzle.
So that's how we're going to handle it for right now. She's two and just naturally curious so I'm not terribly concerned.
To be honest, I hear "what's that, Momma?" approximately forty-seven times a day and as annoying as it can be to answer "that's the can opener" forty-seven times in a row...I understand it's just part of her learning and processing the world and I'm thankful for a curious child.
For as long as the answer is satisfactory, we're going to keep with the functionality of those parts and keep it short and to the point. I also have the phrase from Harry Potter floating around in my brain when it comes to this subject - fear of a name increases fear of the itself. If Craig and I freak out and make a big deal out of the human body then Natalie will pick up on those cues and all of a sudden, the differences between male and female and the idea of having "privates" at all will be a HUGE, big thing.
So we're keeping it casual and answering her questions matter-of-factly and for the time being, it seems to satiate her curious little heart.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
A Little Bit of This and That
1. I'm trying to get back into the blogging groove. It's not that I haven't had anything happen lately, I just hit a busy spot in developing and creating curriculum back in January and then things started piling up and soon enough the thought of catching up on everything felt so very overwhelming.
2. Natalie spent the day at my school yesterday with the Exploring Careers class. The teacher does a baby-sitting unit with her classes and as the culmination project for their unit, she brings in teacher's kids and grandchildren for the classes to take care of. It was actually a LONG day for me because I knew she was on campus and I just wanted to go downstairs to play with her! All my students said she was adorable and tons of fun, but around 7th period she hit the wall and needed her Momma so I happily cuddled her while running a badminton tournament in the small gym.
3. Craig runs select basketball teams and tournaments and up until this year he has only put on tournaments for girls teams. A few years ago when the economy started the downslide, his tournament entries took a hit because there were fewer teams being formed due to the cost to families. He struggled for the past couple of seasons trying to figure out how to reinvent his business in order to build it back up and even bigger than before. This year he and his buddies figured out that they could put on both girls AND boys tournaments which would increase publicity and participation. And so far it's going VERY well - about 80 teams in his tournament last weekend! I'm just proud of him for thinking outside the box and finding a strategy to build his business back up.
4. I won our family NCAA bracket competition - for the third year in a row. This weekend we are going to pick out my prize for winning - a new pair of sneakers.
5. My BFF Amy who lives in Washington state is coming home in a few weeks and I am taking a day of from work to spend it with her! She hasn't seen Natalie since Natalie was about three months old so I'm excited to re-introduce Natalie to her "Mamy," as she puts it. Our other lifelong friend Heather is also taking the day off and it will be just us girls all day long. I absolutely cannot wait.
6. After this week, I only have eight more weeks of school. Time to get started making summer plans!
7. The best thing that Craig and I started this year was our weekly meal planner. I took a see through glass frame from Target and stuck in five pieces of scrapbook paper - one for each day of the week (not counting weekends, obviously). Then on Sunday mornings I map out what nights we will be home or when we have other commitments and then from there I figure out what we are eating and create a grocery list. It really has streamlined our shopping trips and helped with the budget and our waistlines! Since I was home alone with Natalie on Sunday my focus was on getting us caught up to date on laundry, I didn't make it to the grocery store let alone making a meal plan in the first place...and let me tell you - I feel so OFF this week because of it.
8. Tonight Craig and I are dropping Natalie off with my parents and then heading to the Bon Jovi concert in a suite with the father of one of the girls that Craig coaches. This might age me a bit, but I really hate going to concerts on a weeknight because they go so late and then the next day I'm exhausted at work. I know. I'm old. But tomorrow is a day off from school so I don't feel so bad about staying out a little later. And on a slightly funnier note, I'm not sure if everyone knows this, but Craig is ten years older. So....when he was listening to Bon Jovi as a teenager in the 80s, I was watching My Little Pony in pre-school. Hilarious.
9. We have a three-day weekend! Hooray for not using bad weather days!
2. Natalie spent the day at my school yesterday with the Exploring Careers class. The teacher does a baby-sitting unit with her classes and as the culmination project for their unit, she brings in teacher's kids and grandchildren for the classes to take care of. It was actually a LONG day for me because I knew she was on campus and I just wanted to go downstairs to play with her! All my students said she was adorable and tons of fun, but around 7th period she hit the wall and needed her Momma so I happily cuddled her while running a badminton tournament in the small gym.
3. Craig runs select basketball teams and tournaments and up until this year he has only put on tournaments for girls teams. A few years ago when the economy started the downslide, his tournament entries took a hit because there were fewer teams being formed due to the cost to families. He struggled for the past couple of seasons trying to figure out how to reinvent his business in order to build it back up and even bigger than before. This year he and his buddies figured out that they could put on both girls AND boys tournaments which would increase publicity and participation. And so far it's going VERY well - about 80 teams in his tournament last weekend! I'm just proud of him for thinking outside the box and finding a strategy to build his business back up.
4. I won our family NCAA bracket competition - for the third year in a row. This weekend we are going to pick out my prize for winning - a new pair of sneakers.
5. My BFF Amy who lives in Washington state is coming home in a few weeks and I am taking a day of from work to spend it with her! She hasn't seen Natalie since Natalie was about three months old so I'm excited to re-introduce Natalie to her "Mamy," as she puts it. Our other lifelong friend Heather is also taking the day off and it will be just us girls all day long. I absolutely cannot wait.
6. After this week, I only have eight more weeks of school. Time to get started making summer plans!
7. The best thing that Craig and I started this year was our weekly meal planner. I took a see through glass frame from Target and stuck in five pieces of scrapbook paper - one for each day of the week (not counting weekends, obviously). Then on Sunday mornings I map out what nights we will be home or when we have other commitments and then from there I figure out what we are eating and create a grocery list. It really has streamlined our shopping trips and helped with the budget and our waistlines! Since I was home alone with Natalie on Sunday my focus was on getting us caught up to date on laundry, I didn't make it to the grocery store let alone making a meal plan in the first place...and let me tell you - I feel so OFF this week because of it.
8. Tonight Craig and I are dropping Natalie off with my parents and then heading to the Bon Jovi concert in a suite with the father of one of the girls that Craig coaches. This might age me a bit, but I really hate going to concerts on a weeknight because they go so late and then the next day I'm exhausted at work. I know. I'm old. But tomorrow is a day off from school so I don't feel so bad about staying out a little later. And on a slightly funnier note, I'm not sure if everyone knows this, but Craig is ten years older. So....when he was listening to Bon Jovi as a teenager in the 80s, I was watching My Little Pony in pre-school. Hilarious.
9. We have a three-day weekend! Hooray for not using bad weather days!
Monday, April 8, 2013
So Long, Farewell...
For the past seven years I've had the pleasure of watching girls fall in love with the game that I love so very much. I've seen young women work together, overcome obstacles and find strength in numbers.
I myself, am a product of the Title IX and I had FAR greater access to competitive sports than any generation of women before me. And after my family, participating in sports for the past twenty-one years has had the greatest impact on who I am today.
I learned accountability, teamwork, determination and assertiveness. I learned that anything worth doing is worth doing right and with 100% effort. I learned that in life, there ARE winners and losers but it's not the score at the end of the game, but the lesson you learn moving forward.
These girls, especially here at FMS, are MY girls. I'm the Mama Bear and fiercely protective of them and the program I have rebuilt.
I hope that the girls I've coached along the way understand the impact they have had on me. Taught me the importance of giving grace and the power of positive encouragement. Shown me how to love unconditionally while still holding them accountable.
Yes, I love these girls...MY girls. How can you NOT love kids who come every day and sweat, work, bleed and cry for you and the sport that you coach?
But as of today, I am done. I honestly thought I would be a little bit sadder, but right now I'm just content. I know in my heart this is the right decision for my family and that MY girls will survive - perhaps even thrive under a new coach.
And then this little moment last week solidified my contentment...
Last Thursday night Craig and I were both gone at the Zone Track Meet and we didn't get home until 9:00. My mother had just put Natalie down to sleep so Craig and I grabbed a bite to eat before I snuck into her room at 9:30 to just peek at her. I opened the door and a sliver of light streamed into her crib and I heard "hi momma!"
Oh. Crap. My heart sunk just a little as I realized that she was definitely NOT asleep and definitely super excited to see me.
I picked her up out of her crib and we settled into the rocking chair where she quickly snuggled up to me and dug her head into my shoulder. As her body fell limp against mine and her breathing evened out, I heard her whisper "I missed you Momma."
And in that moment I knew. I knew that I had made the right decision by taking this Math teaching opportunity and saying good-bye to coaching volleyball.
I whispered back "I know baby. You don't have to miss Momma anymore."
Ain't that the truth.
I myself, am a product of the Title IX and I had FAR greater access to competitive sports than any generation of women before me. And after my family, participating in sports for the past twenty-one years has had the greatest impact on who I am today.
I learned accountability, teamwork, determination and assertiveness. I learned that anything worth doing is worth doing right and with 100% effort. I learned that in life, there ARE winners and losers but it's not the score at the end of the game, but the lesson you learn moving forward.
These girls, especially here at FMS, are MY girls. I'm the Mama Bear and fiercely protective of them and the program I have rebuilt.
I hope that the girls I've coached along the way understand the impact they have had on me. Taught me the importance of giving grace and the power of positive encouragement. Shown me how to love unconditionally while still holding them accountable.
Yes, I love these girls...MY girls. How can you NOT love kids who come every day and sweat, work, bleed and cry for you and the sport that you coach?
But as of today, I am done. I honestly thought I would be a little bit sadder, but right now I'm just content. I know in my heart this is the right decision for my family and that MY girls will survive - perhaps even thrive under a new coach.
And then this little moment last week solidified my contentment...
Last Thursday night Craig and I were both gone at the Zone Track Meet and we didn't get home until 9:00. My mother had just put Natalie down to sleep so Craig and I grabbed a bite to eat before I snuck into her room at 9:30 to just peek at her. I opened the door and a sliver of light streamed into her crib and I heard "hi momma!"
Oh. Crap. My heart sunk just a little as I realized that she was definitely NOT asleep and definitely super excited to see me.
I picked her up out of her crib and we settled into the rocking chair where she quickly snuggled up to me and dug her head into my shoulder. As her body fell limp against mine and her breathing evened out, I heard her whisper "I missed you Momma."
And in that moment I knew. I knew that I had made the right decision by taking this Math teaching opportunity and saying good-bye to coaching volleyball.
I whispered back "I know baby. You don't have to miss Momma anymore."
Ain't that the truth.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Easter
Easter was Sunday. I should have been into it. But I just wasn't.
We didn't go to church. I didn't hide Easter eggs for Natalie. I didn't even put together an Easter basket. I have no Easter photos to put in her baby book.
I feel like a big, fat failure of a mother right now.
I was in a funk last week, angry at my husband, my child and the world in general. Tired of doing laundry, planning and preparing meals, and being the sole adult responsible for the care of a two-year-old in the midst of a very challenging phase.
So I sulked and I lashed out. I got angry and used hurtful words. I clammed up and escaped.
And now I'm standing on the other side of it all and when I turn around all I see is the wreckage that I've created in my life. Bewildered family members, a frustrated husband and a little girl without any Easter memories to go in her scrapbook.
And then I stop myself.
Am I really upset the MOST about the pictures? Is that the measure of what a mother is these days?
I didn't post any Easter pictures to Facebook, Instagram or this blog....so does that make me a "bad" mother.....because that's sure how I feel.
I LOVE social media because I get to see pictures of friends and family that I might not see otherwise.
I LOATHE social media because when you're already feeling a little down in the dumps, it's easy to get onto FB or Instagram and see how everyone else in the world is living such a better life than you.
And of course, I could be a little over-dramatic...narcissistic even. Perhaps my family doesn't really care that I had a crappy week. I know Craig forgives me and Natalie was utterly unfazed. But my harshest critic has always been and will always be....myself. My mistakes and missteps mean FAR more to me than to anyone else.
We didn't go to church. I didn't hide Easter eggs for Natalie. I didn't even put together an Easter basket. I have no Easter photos to put in her baby book.
I feel like a big, fat failure of a mother right now.
I was in a funk last week, angry at my husband, my child and the world in general. Tired of doing laundry, planning and preparing meals, and being the sole adult responsible for the care of a two-year-old in the midst of a very challenging phase.
So I sulked and I lashed out. I got angry and used hurtful words. I clammed up and escaped.
And now I'm standing on the other side of it all and when I turn around all I see is the wreckage that I've created in my life. Bewildered family members, a frustrated husband and a little girl without any Easter memories to go in her scrapbook.
And then I stop myself.
Am I really upset the MOST about the pictures? Is that the measure of what a mother is these days?
I didn't post any Easter pictures to Facebook, Instagram or this blog....so does that make me a "bad" mother.....because that's sure how I feel.
I LOVE social media because I get to see pictures of friends and family that I might not see otherwise.
I LOATHE social media because when you're already feeling a little down in the dumps, it's easy to get onto FB or Instagram and see how everyone else in the world is living such a better life than you.
And of course, I could be a little over-dramatic...narcissistic even. Perhaps my family doesn't really care that I had a crappy week. I know Craig forgives me and Natalie was utterly unfazed. But my harshest critic has always been and will always be....myself. My mistakes and missteps mean FAR more to me than to anyone else.
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